During times of stress we don’t see clearly. Stress drains us and makes us feel weak. We cannot think straight. We feel hopeless and powerless. We are being controlled and manipulated. We can say all day long that this is Herman us yet we don’t know the next step. No action will be taken and abuse will continue. Our friends and family might tell us we are being abused and we might not see it as long as we are being manipulated. I secretly recording dinner you will be able to observe from a different angle. You will hear things on that recording that you don’t remember the Narcissist saying or even your reaction to it. Try it and you will see for yourself. You might see that you are angry towards them to or that You are a person who shut down and cries instead. The reality is that stressful times clouds our judgment and our memory. Recordingd don’t lie so remember that.
You wern’t involved in their past trauma!
You didn’t cause their trauma.
You had no part in their Trauma so do NOT respond like you caused it!
You don’y owe them anything and You have NOTHING to make up for.
Those are their insecurities, their issues that they need to work on just like many others with past issues.
Don’t feel responsible for calming their insecurities or you will lose yourself.
When you’re in an abusive relationship and you feel so stuck, lost and hopeless, you can actually feel the toxicity they have injected into your mind leaving you an empty shell.
I had checked out of my mind leaving my body feel paralysed.
I was disconnected.
I wasn’t aware of time anymore. My mind checked me out as what I was experiencing was trauma.
I had been taking in his words about me to be true consistently for so long. Everything he said to me made me feel ashamed of myself.
I didn’t deserve my child—I felt!
He threw things at me
Kicked things at me causing injury
Insulted me about the clothes I wore
The make-up I wore.
locked me in the house with him when I tried to leave with my child because I couldn’t bare her to see him shout at me and me shut down like a child.
It took it’s toll on me.
I slept it out in the mornings when my child needed me.
I did nothing around the house.
He took photos of the rooms and showed them to everyone he knew and told me what their response was.
The shame I had felt had just multiplied.
Is that a way of supporting someone?
That is a clear narcissistic behaviour.
They are not normal.
They will always be controlled by their ego and their ego never looks for a solution. It looks to blame.
After all the thoughts he had implanted in my mind over and over with consistency, focus and determination eventually I had hated myself more then I ever had been before.
Everytime I told him to get out for good, I would get the response as “If you kick me out I will end my life and leave a note saying you made me do it.” so then I wouldn’t kick him out. It happened time and time again with the same situation and the same words with the same response so nothing changed.
I was the worse person in the world.
Everyone agreed with him because he told me time and time again.
I didn’t see anybody anymore really.
I felt I didn’t deserve my child.
This was my life.
I didn’t know how to get out.
If he ended his life then I could end up living with officially being worse person to everyone he had ever talked about me to, after his death.
I was picturing life to be extremely difficult after his death. My anxiety thoughts went through the roof.
He is an amazing communicator and speaker whereas I shut down, so I felt hopeless on what to do.
I needed proof,
I needed backup so if he did anything like he said he would then at least I had proof.
I decided to start secretly recording him on my phone.
This happened at my friend’s 21st birthday party and I was having a chat with a friend in the bathroom. This was the first time he gave out to me in front of other people.
When I came back out he was pissed at me. “Don’t f**king do that again!” He said.
I was able to stand up for myself for once.
It was either because I had had a few drinks in me or that he was doing it in front of my friends.
He stormed off home and I stayed at the party.
Another sign of a jealous, insecure and toxic mind.
Don’t let anyone tell you how long you should take ANYWHERE!!
If your new boyfriend/girlfriend has issues like that then consider that a RED FLAG and things will only get worse.
Anytime I tried to do something good for me such as meet with a friend or try out a new dance class he told me that I was being selfish and how I did everything in order to suit me which would break me down.
Really though that is the Narcissist losing control of themselves AGAIN.
They want to bring your vibration down to their level. It use to work on me but it doesn’t anymore.
They are actually the selfish one who does things to suit themselves in their own toxic mind!
So don’t mind if I want to do something for myself such as wanting to meet up with a friend.
You call me what YOU are!
Nobody tells me these things about myself only YOU and that’s how I know that it’s all coming from you.
By me meeting up with a friend you feel threatened that they will build me back up making me harder to control
As someone who wears gym gear and tracksuit bottoms to finally feel good in herself to wear a skirt to go out for her friend’s birthday it absolutely FLOORED me when he told me that I looked like a slut.
“Me look like a slut?”
At the same time I was actually getting fed up with his shit so I went out wearing it anyway.
That night he yelled at me at a house party in front of his friends telling me I looked like a complete slut and everyone at the party thought so too.
I cried and ran from the party and he came following me. I shut down, said nothing and he pulled over a taxi for us to get in and I said nothing for the night.
I waited for him to fall asleep. He had my car keys so I walked 30mins to my parents house in my pyjamas.
The next day he had left a note in my kitchen table to say how worried he was 🤥🤮.
He never stopped! It wouldn’t matter to the narcissist. Even of the child is 3 years old and witnessing that.
By that stage I wanted him out of the house and gone. This is NOT what a child should be witnessing. They might be playing and being children but their subconscious mind is absorbing EVERYTHING and it will affect their relationships and how they feel about themselves later on in life if it carries on regardless if they still act like a kid now.
Once they grow up that’s when they will have their own problems very similar to the ones they witnessed while they were children.
Children are born happy, pure and full of joy.
There is still time to replace and rebuild what has been lost. The past will be the past. Don’t give up on them. They are counting on us!
I had lost count how many times the narcissist would say this to me. “What the f**k is wrong with you” over and over for a very long time.
If anyone knows anything about self talk, habit and programming the mind, if something is said to us consistently over and over again, then that question will become our own self talk. Which is PROOF that our thoughts are NOT real!
Whether you are currently in an abusive relationship, think you might be, free from one or have never been in one then pay attention to how you talk to yourself.
Our beliefs shape our reality and we make decisions based on what we believe about ourselves.
Our beliefs come from our consistent self talk.
Our self talk could of come from an external opinion which plants the seed into our mimds and we can carry that belief until we become aware that our THOUGHTS AREN’T REAL! Be kind to yourself.
You are doing the best with what you are aware of.
This one really hurt and got into my heart and broke me— once upon a time.
It was a comment made because my daughter who is Autistic was having difficulties focusing in school. He was blaming me saying it was my fault that she was having problems focusing and not interacting the way other kids do. I didn’t know I was Autistic myself at this stage.
My thoughts after this was said to me was“ If a psychiatrist, a trained professional even thinks it then it must be true and I’m the one that needs help”
A narcissist doesn’t see what he/ she does. Everything is everyone else’s fault so he wore his mask, played the victim and fooled his psychiatrist.
They will use anything and everything to break us down and this is why no contact is essential. They are experts at this game. We are not so this is the only way to us healing ourselves.