When The Abuse started

I felt like myself and my daughter’s father had been getting on well like friends. He was the type that I felt like I could tell anything to. He seemed too good to be true and yet I still wasn’t attracted to him but he was part of my life because of my daughter and I wasn’t seeing anyone else. I wanted to feel attracted to him but I just couldn’t. I would still only sleep with him when I was drunk. He would tell me that I just won’t let myself feel anything as if it was me that was the problem. with me being then 22 year old I felt like maybe there was something I needed to change. I believed that it was me who had the problem.

He began commenting on certain things which didn’t seem big at the time. Things like if I went over to my family or met up with my friend he would always say ” Don’t take too long.” I didn’t see this as a redflag but it was only the start of more of the Narcissist’s remarks to follow.

He asked what I was wearing while going out with a friend for her birthday. When I told him I was wearing a skirt his response was “Well you know most blokes think that girls who wear skirts are sluts.”

You see how he didn’t say that HE was the one thinking that? He chose the indirect way of getting that message into my subconscious mind so that I would have the belief that I would look like a slut if I wore a skirt.

Those comments then turned from indirect to direct because I didn’t stop him the first time – I allowed those comments in because I didn’t know how to stick up for myself and avoided confrontation and arguments at all costs because I just didn’t know how to argue. I always had felt like an empty shell anyway and I had this belief that I didn’t belong in this world – but he wanted to be in my life so I felt needed. I can see why now and it wasn’t because of my mentally strong personality. While I was allowing the comments to slide in while I didn’t react because I was blocking it as if it didn’t happen – he could see that there was no boundaries so that gave him permission to continue with it.

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