As I was planning to tell this person that there will be no more dates I felt a bit stuck.. “What is the most appropriate way to tell him after 3 dates? Do I need a big talk or do I just say it briefly? It has only been 3 dates, I’m sure it will be fine, I’m just making it seem bigger than it is.”
It’s just that I have never been in this situation in my life so I am really confused at this point on what to say. Overthinking has gone into overdrive! Anyway, when I next saw him, he was walking towards me in the corridor and I decided to do it then in the moment. It had been hanging over me so I just wanted to rip the band-aid off and get on with my life. I went on to explain that I didn’t feel that it was going anywhere.
His face looked as if I had told him someone was dying. The tone of his voice changed in a frustrated and hurt kind of way. He saying how he didn’t understand why and was asking me ‘what had changed.?’ When I had explained about how there was just no spark, he still couldn’t get his head around it. He looked at me like he despised me. During the dating period it was still getting to know each other and I because I didn’t feel any attraction I was puzzled as to why his reaction was so negative towards me. “Why was he responding as if I bad meant so much to him this soon? Was it the way I said it? Am I the bad person? Is this how the other person is meant to respond? Could I have done things differently? All these questions I had afterwards that I didn’t know the answers to at the time and I didn’t care either. I was just glad that I wouldn’t be anywhere near him again, or so I thought!
Looking back this was most definitely a warning sign of a toxic person.
An observation will tell you the narcissist was clearly buzzing while in control when it came to the dating period. The victim never made any moves or effort. Everything was initiated by the narcissist. She just went with the flow, was submissive, naive and that was just how the narcissist wanted it to be. That is what attracted him to her. It wasn’t driven by ‘feelings’ It was driven by CONTROL.
He lost his control when she put a stop to the dates which is why he reacted the way he did. Like someone stole his toys! That reaction was NOT a reaction that would come from a secure person.