Let’s start from the beginning as I try to piece together how I got myself into this.
I was 19 years old and I started working in a new job and the narcissist who was 5 years older than me and wearing his mask had taken an interest in me.
I don’t know why, I mean I had always a very low opinion of myself. I would have placed myself in the category of having low self esteem, social anxiety, identity issues, emptiness etc. Pretty much existing physically but not living. I had never made any effort in making myself stand out to him but he asked me out one day. My deeper thoughts were telling me to go for it . “This could be it. You’ve never experienced a relationship before so what’s the worse that can happen?” In saying that I wasn’t attracted to him whatsoever but he was friendly, chatty and seemed interested in me so I was drawn to feeling optimistic that maybe something would grow out of this. I went in with the mindset of ‘kissing a few frogs in order to find my Prince’, so I agreed to go on a date with him.
The first date went well with regards to being comfortable and talking, but there was no spark for me. I had continued to try and see if I could open my mind to the possibility of being attracted to him but I just wasn’t feeling it. I was wondering if this is how all couples normally start off as I had nothing to compare it with. He was still interested in me, was initiating everything and making all of the effort, but eventually I had lost interest in trying. When I knew for certain that there just wasn’t an attraction, I knew I had to say it. We had only been on 3 dates so although I was nervous about telling him how I felt because I had never been in this situation before but I honestly assumed that he would respect that after just 3 dates. Well, I was in for a shock!