Now in the last post I babbled on a bit. I guess I just have a lot to say on this topic seeing as how I have lived it. It can sometimes be difficult to understand if this IS abuse if you are someone who is currently living this. The abuser says things in a passive way at first. If they were to say ”you’re not going anywhere”, you may see that as a major red warning, but instead everything is said in a different way but meaning the same thing. It’s just worded different.. Instead, it can be said like “where are you going? Dont be long”. Or “Most people think girls who wear skirts are sluts” They all have hidden meanings and their meanings are really only THEIR perception and a way of controlling you. You would accept him saying the above examples to you way easier than you would accept the “you’re not going anywhere” depending of course how deep into the abuse you are in. He’s pouring what he thinks you’ll accept into your cup. These techniques he is using is all along the same path as controlling and toxic behaviour. And it’s going to get worse every time you accept this you will fall deeper into his mind. Listen to your friends and family as they know the REAL you and only they will understand if someone is bad for you.
He Says Things Like
1. “Don’t take too long”No matter where you go whether it’s shopping, out with your friends, going to the gym or even to visit a loved one in hospital and he says things like this! This is a warning. A man who loves you truly and is secure within himself won’t feel the need to say this to you. This is how desperate sounds. A true boyfriend will want you to grow, to bloom and to be the best version of yourself. You should still be free to do whatever you like without question, or telling you to be home at a certain time.
2.”Are you really wearing that?”As my ex use to say “any girl that wears a skirt is looked at as a slut” Complete rubbish! He is so insecure that he is afraid you will draw attention. He tries to limit what types of clothes you can wear, again closing the doors to your true self. He would prefer you wearing a bin bag or realistically black trousers and a black top. That way he can control you and you draw zero attention.
3. “Even my family thinks low of you but I defend you”He is trying to belittle you. Make out you are a bad person but that he is there to help you. It’s like the old mind trick of pushing you off the edge off a cliff only for him to catch you at the end. When you notice this, you should run!
4.”What you did was selfish, you really hurt me”I’m sorry what? My friend/family needed me at their worst time and I was there for them. Not that I need to explain myself. I’m sorry your dinner wasn’t on the table when it should of been but if you were not so controlling and narcissistic then you wouldn’t have that kind of opinion and you would understand that I am aloud to live.
5 “You changed since we first met, I used to think better of you”Nooo what happened was you got more controlling, more abusive and more angry, and my mind didn’t follow or register what you were trying to make me to be so you reacted negatively based on your expectations.
6 “I don’t think your friends are a good influence”What you mean is that my friends and family can see right through you. They know my true self and they have noticed how you are taking my true self away from them. They have warned me and tried to make me see and because of this, you don’t want them to have any contact with me because then you will lose control over me. The real truth is that you don’t want anybody else in my life except you so you can mould me how you want.
7. “You look like a hooker with make-up on, but only because you look so much better with no make up”What he’s really saying is that “You shouldn’t wear make-up. If you continue to wear make-up I will continue to put you down until you stop. It draws in attention from other males and you are mine only and are not to be exploring make-up on yourself because it doesn’t match up with my picture of you.”
So that’s 7 signs he is an abuser and toxic to your growth and you should make plans to create a new and better life for yourself. If there are any more that you want me to add in future posts send me an email or comment below!
Keep the hope alive!