Think of Mario Cart. There is no you and the Narcissist. It is you VS the Narcissist. The Narcissist must always be in 1st place and you last. If it looks like you are coming up close to the Narcissist by standing up to them or doing anything that involves being yourself, they will have a shell ready to throw at you knocking you back behind the Narcissist. A normal healthy couple should be travelling side by side together in their track but you are in the Narcissist’s driving track and according to the Narc you should always be in last place. What if you let the Narc feel like they are in 1st place while you build a better track somewhere else on the side for your self? The arrow in the 2nd pic is you! The head of your arrow is focused on building another track while the tale of your arrow is still in the Narcissist’s cycle leading them to believe that you are still in their cycle.
Do you believe that you could be in 1st place but in your own track? The Narc doesn’t need to know any of this. They just need to know that you are still last place while you are on their track. If you leave their track too soon without building a track for yourself then your mind will still be in alignment with the narc’s track pulling you back in. Draw a track on a piece of paper in the figure of 8 and write down what could be in your track. . . . .
That’s how the Narcissist sees you and will always see you that way.
They don’t know any other way and they’re in denial about it aswell. They are carrying all this trauma with them and there’s going to be a lot of eruptions from the volcano with all that pressure bubbling away that their mind will look for ways to to release that built up energy. They need to make you feel how they felt and they don’t care either.
Does a Narcissist ever finally face everything for real and heal? The Narc in my chapter even told me that his psychiatrist said it was my fault that my daughter was Autistic —Because I am Autistic. “And your point is?” I think. What do Narcissists talk about with psychiatrists? Does the therapist know their patient is a Narcissist? Is there no such thing as a Narcissist returning to their childhood to face their trauma? Or will they continue denying the whole thing which makes things extremely difficult in getting help? 🤷🏻♀️
When you stand up for yourself against a Narcissist it’s like they have a superhuman power for this carry on while you don’t stand a chance so don’t ever have a goal that you want to stand up to a Narcissist because they will still drain you. You want to change that goal to healing and building yourself then your improved mindset will be enough to put off the Narcissist as you won’t be on the same vibrational level as each other. All contact with a narcissist must be broken. Text only if Co parenting. It’s not the same as a normal couple break up. There needs to be serious boundaries put in place. They are not allowed in the house. I don’t care if they mention the kids needs in order to get to your heart. You know it’s in your kid’s interests that they DON’T enter the house. You know they’re dysfunctional. With anyone else that you interact with, it’s a normal and healthy interaction and you want to keep it that way. When interacting with a Narcissist your kids may still look ‘ok’ on the outside, but they are processing a very negative interaction into their subconscious mind when you interact with a Narcissist. Kids don’t judge so everything appears normal for them which makes them more on a vibration level with a toxic person. Your kid’s minds are taking in and processing your interactions on a subconscious level.
When a narcissist writes an extremely hurtful message that gets into you so deep. They get in deep because you still believe them. They can still break you down from a distance. As long as you still respond to all of the Narcissist’s texts, you read those texts in the Narcissists voice in your mind causing a trigger response from you as if the Narcissist was really verbally saying these words. You act and respond based on your core beliefs so as long as your mind is still in alignment with the Narcissist, nothing will change. You will be broken and they need to know that you’re still broken and they still have the reigns on you. They don’t even have to be in the same room as you. They’re getting their fix and still looking for you to be their trauma bucket by you communicating with them. By writing back something bland with no emotion connected then the narc will hear that word as they read it in your voice. The more this happens the more you keep writing back “cool.” Get yourself a journal or a new copy folder or even the notepad in your phone will do and try write down his response to you, writing cool. If they hear your voice over and over saying cool to everything that they have put their blood, sweat and tears into regarding the texts their subconscious mind will know then in future for when they are typing another long message to you, they know you are just going to write back “cool” so they don’t see the point in wasting their energy
They might have been raised by both a dominant and a submissive parent/ caregiver They see the dominant person as powerful and a submissive person as weak. They might think that the powerful person cannot feel pain and that the submissive person can as they witness the unbreakable powerful person control the submissive person over and over. The Narcissist as a child will either subconsciously absorb the behaviour of their Narcissistic parent or the submissive parent. If it’s the Narcissist traits they are absorbing more then subconsciously they never want to experience that powerless feeling again so they take on the behaviours into their teenage years and so it begins and they’re in defense mode permanently (I hope this isn’t true. I’m still hopeful that there are narcs in recovery)
Their past is so painful that they would rather feel like the one with the most power over anyone.
They realise it’s not appropriate to behave like that in every situation so they find an empath who has a good heart and sees the good in people making them easier to manipulate because their goals are to help people and put other’s needs before their own even if that means having the soul drained out of them. The empath may have low self esteem and reminds them of their submissive caregiver who became open to it making that situation something that they can get away with in secret.
That’s my perception on it based on my experience and what the Narcissist told me—that everyone was mean to him and how I’m not like that, so I tried to live up to that while the bond was being made. Once I was sucked in he told me I was changing into this selfish person because I wanted to spend time with my friends, which was nothing new.
They were use to controlling your life and now their control is gone. They might try and find a new supply but if they don’t succeed, they will try again with you. They need a supply and will promise you the sun, moon and stars— be the tip of any iceberg you want as long as it’s long enough to get you hooked in again to being their supply. They can raise you so high and crush you so low. That really is Dysfunctional.
How true is this? They will break you down then make it up to you every single time making you feel like you are making a big mistake if you leave, and so you stay. But they will still not face their own trauma. They would rather have you in their cycle created by them instead. To throw you down rather than take their own fall. To get a relief from their own triggers by breaking you down.
Understanding and awareness brings power to you and Narcissists don’t understand or have awareness that they have a disorder.
The first step is to acknowledge that you are in an abusive and detrimental relationship. You have to want to do it on your own accord. You must have a belief that you will get out, otherwise you wouldn’t be processing these words if you didnt. Listen to yourself.
During my own childhood my older brother was consistently being so verbally and physically abusive towards me. It was like he despised me. The Narcissist and my brother caused the same name feeling inside me except with the Narc I was more disconnected. Their disgust and anger was was aimed at me regularly so the neuropathways for dysfunctional communication with the Narc were already lit up brightly due to how my older brother communicated with me. I forgive my brother because we don’t see each other much anymore and there is no point being bitter as it drains my energy. When we do have interactions, it’s better than when we were kids.
Because they are seriously psychologically damaged. Because they wanted to know everything about you at the start of the relationship and now they know how to use that information to cause psychological damage to you. Sure when you first told them personal stuff they seemed sooo understanding, just so you would share more with them. The more knowledge they have the more power they have over you and that is exactly what they use on you because now they know what will break down your self, making you vulnerable and easier to manipulate. Your broken self will abandon you feeling nothing but negativity and emptiness inside. That’s how they can make you hate yourself. They bring up your past and put more fuel on it causing a reaction out of you. A negative reaction released within you = weak minded. They know how to bring your vibration down to their level as a temporary relief to their own unresolved trauma which is not your responsibility
They are paranoid about everything and everything they view is toxic and dysfunctional. That kind of situation is not something your SELF wants to vibe with so as a result your self then fades from within you. Your inner self will only take one step toward you when you take one step back from the toxic person.
Once you understand this then you will do even more research and find ways not to have this person in your life. You just don’t know it yet and still have more to learn before you make that change. Analogy: You wouldn’t just buy a huskie because of how they look or how cool you will look. If you did then you would be in for a shock and realise that they need 2 hour walks daily, will dig up holes in your backgarden due to boredom, shead hair EVERYWHERE and the rest that goes with owning a husky! You need to study it first, see if it matches up with you and your new life. You might learn that actually a shihtzu would be more your type of dog as they are more chill and don’t shed. The point is that you never know where doing your research about something can take you unless you try. The more you learn about what you CAN do then you will have a better understanding of your path.